


Yesterday's Ashes

by Quiet_Shadow



Series: Spark Deep [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Child Death, Dystopia, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape/Non-con References, Slash, Slavery, Sparklings, Sticky Sex, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-20 03:12:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/882263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quiet_Shadow/pseuds/Quiet_Shadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So much pain, so much sadness. After the untimely death of their sparkling, Starscream has a lot of questions for his slave. Yes, they needed to talk. But it would have been so much easier, without the giant shadow lingering around them. The shadow of a mech they had both loved. The shadow of a mech long gone that Starscream was unwilling to let go of. The shadow of Skyfire...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yesterday's Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, after more than a year worth of waiting for those who discovered 'Spark Deep over livejournal, here comes the long awaited and asked for sequel, starring Perceptor and Starscream.
> 
> 'Yesterday's Ashes was written for the 'Starting Over Again' contest on the tfic_contest livejournal community, where it won the first place. Yay! \o/
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it :)  
> Good reading!
> 
> NOTE: About half of the parts are supposed to be in italics, as to show they're memories. Sadly, it doesn't seem to work correctly. Sorry about that, and I hope it will not be too difficult to follow...

_Perceptor screamed one last time in pure bliss as his overload washed over him. Head lolling to the side, he panted, vents overworking to cool down his frame. Such pleasure… so intense! He had heard that interfacing was pleasant, but he had never imagined that it could be so much so. That he had found himself a careful, thoughtful lover helped a lot. Despite their size difference, none of their lovemaking session ever left him in pain. Perhaps, a bit sore sometimes, that was it. Well, he was usually thoroughly exhausted, because his lover always insisted on preparing him for a long time, and made him overload multiple time before he even attempted penetration._

_“Hmm,” he moaned as he felt his lover shift and slide out of him._

_Above him, Skyfire smiled. “Did you enjoy that, my love?”_

_Curling up against the much bigger mech, the microscope smiled. “Do you really need to ask such a question? Or do you doubt your prowess?” he asked teasingly._

_Skyfire chuckled. “Well, unless you’re the biggest simulator ever sparked, I don’t think I need to.” He bent over and gently kissed Perceptor on the lips chastely, one large hand holding the other scientist close. The microscope almost purred._

_They laid next to each other in silence for a while, until Perceptor started talking._

_“It almost doesn’t seem fair…” Skyfire looked quizzically at him. “You give me so much pleasure, and I’m hardly able to reciprocate or please you as much,” he said, blushing._

_Skyfire gave a hearty laugh. “Aww, don’t be bothered. I’m used to it. It’s not a problem, really.”_

_“But…” Perceptor tried to protest. Skyfire kissed him, cutting him off. As their lips parted, the shuttle was looking at him with a deep fondness._

_“You’re such a nice mech, Percy,” he said. “I’m very lucky to have you. I don’t think I had ever met such a bright spark before you, and I can’t believe I had to wait so long to meet you.”_

_“Do you regret Starscream?” the microscope blurted out. Skyfire stilled, and Perceptor cringed and babbled. “I mean, I know you loved him, he’s better looking than me, and…”_

_“Better looking? No, he’s not,” Skyfire said blandly. “In my optics, you’re far more attractive than he ever was. I… won’t say that I don’t miss him. How he used to be. I also know he isn’t that mech anymore. I don’t regret being with you. Never,” he said forcefully._

_Perceptor bit his lower lip. “… You never said you didn’t love him,” he pointed out._

_Skyfire sighed. There was no easy answer to give. There was a time Starscream could have meant the world to him. A gentle, creative Starscream, whose most wicked acts were to play pranks and incidentally sabotage the work of mechs having rubbed him the wrong way. Skyfire had thought it was just a harmless kink at the time. Now, it seemed like the base of a more ruthless personality the shuttle had barely scratched the surface of back in the days._

_He had loved Starscream. But his ideal mech wasn’t a would-be dictator. His ideal mech was a kind soul sharing the simple joys of life and sciences, not unlike Perceptor. Starscream… Starscream was ‘might have been’. Perceptor was ‘now and forever’._

_“I’m sorry I asked and hurt your feelings,” the microscope said softly, and Skyfire smiled faintly at him. That’s what he loved in the microscope: that habit to always put someone elses welfare over his own. He kissed him again, and assured him it was alright._

_“I sense you’re troubled. You’ve been for some time already. What is bothering you, love?” he asked._

_Perceptor hesitated. “The Decepticons are becoming more and more brutal with each assault. Others do not want to talk about it, but I think they’re afraid too---that we’re not going to---”_

_Skyfire put a large finger over his lips to silence him. “I know,” he said softly. “I have my own fears about the end of this conflict. I...” he hesitated. “I don’t want anything happening to you,” he whispered._

_Perceptor clung to him firmly. “Nothing will happen to me, nor to you,” he said with more conviction than he felt. In war, anything was possible. “I’ll kill anyone threatening you,” he vowed, though he knew he wasn’t much of a warrior. But to keep Skyfire safe… he could try and fight back as hard as he was able._

_Skyfire smiled feebly. “Such a brave, adorable little spark. Don’t worry, I’m big enough to defend myself, and defend you from anything.”_

_“That you are, but how can I ever repay you for your kindness and bravery?” the smaller Autobot asked, a playful smile on his lips._

_“Well, I can think of something,” the shuttle chuckled and parted Perceptor’s thighs. “Ready for another round?”_

_The microscope blushed heavily, but let him do as he pleased._

_Who knew how long what they had would last? ___

__-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _

__The small grey frame was gently laid out upon the table, hands joint over the chest, wings carefully displayed. Starscream watched the process go with a blank face._ _

__That sparkling wasn’t supposed to be grey. She was supposed to be red and orange and blue, so full of vivacious colors and bright temper it was almost overwhelming._ _

__His daughter was dead._ _

__His CPU was overworking, trying to deal with various emotional protocols he could have gone without just right now. His visual captors were taking in the smallest details, forever printing them in his CPU, with such a force that he knew he would have memories purges over them._ _

__His daughter was dead._ _

__It just… wasn’t possible. Four cycles ago, right before he had to part with her and go to that meeting, she was running into his arms. She had been intent on getting a hug and pestering him to take her flying over the city, carefully strapped to his frame, because her thrusters and little wings weren’t developed enough yet to allow her to fly by her own means._ _

__He almost shed a tear again. Almost. But he was still in public, and he wouldn’t let himself display frantic emotion right now. What he did when he first felt the creation bond snap and dissipate---he had rushed after Megatron into the room he knew his daughter had been in, when he first found out the body---that was damaging enough for his image._ _

__Though, he knew, nobody could blame him. Even Megatron had made a display of grief, albeit a more violent one. All Decepticons who lost an offspring did in one form or another… unlike their Autobot counterparts._ _

__Speaking of Autobots…_ _

__Starscream’s head snapped up and he looked at every mechs in the room, searching for a streak of red. There was none to be found._ _

__“Where is Perceptor?” he asked one random lower ranked Decepticon who he didn’t bother to remember the name of right now. He had other, more important priorities to work through._ _

__To his credit, the mech didn’t seem to mind, and was careful not to let any display of sympathy or pity mar his face. “I’m not sure, my Lord. I think he went downstairs to Primus’ chapel with other… grieving Autobots,” he said carefully._ _

__Starscream gave a joyless laugh. “Grieving? More like celebrating,” he said with a lopsided smile. “Go seek him, and tell him to come here immediately,” he ordered._ _

__The random mech stared at him. “My Lord, wouldn’t it be simpler to just comm. him?”_ _

__“He doesn’t have a comm. left, you fool! Never, ever question my orders!” the Seeker snapped, suddenly grasping the other mech’s neck and lifting him in the air. The mech kicked helplessly, before Starscream threw him against a wall, he hit it loudly. Scrambling to his feet, he threw a terrified look at Starscream and ran out of the room, intent on filling his mission as soon as possible._ _

__Starscream’s shoulders sagged slightly, before he gave the remaining mechs having led his daughter to her temporary rest a look. “Out,” he ordered simply. They obeyed immediately._ _

__Starscream leaned against a wall and let himself slide to the floor, though his optics never led the frame of his creation. He keened softly and started crying again._ _

__His daughter was dead._ _

__And Perceptor would have many explanations to give him._ _

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

___The datapad shattered against the wall, accompanying Starscream’s shriek of pure, unaltered rage. Thundercracker tried not to flinch. A distant part of him wondered if Soundwave had done it on purpose._ _ _

___The Cassettes’ mission was to spy upon the Ark and report anything of interest they could learn to turn the tide of the war, and finally beat the Autobots. It meant, normally, that they had to find battle plans and infiltrate meetings. Finding out if there were tensions and dissensions within the enemy ranks was secondary in Megatron’s mind, though considered vaguely valuable (and even, strongly valuable for the TIC). Finding out who was in a relationship with who, however, was futile at best, and inutile at worse._ _ _

___Except for Starscream, regarding his ‘old pal’ Skyfire._ _ _

___To learn he was currently dating and interfacing with the Autobot scientist named Perceptor had not been well received. At all._ _ _

___The blue Seeker calmly eyed the damages to their quarters. Skywarp wouldn’t be happy when he would came back. Though Thundercracker thought he would be happy to have missed Starscream’s current mood swing._ _ _

___“Are you calm now?” he asked his trine leader with a falsely bored tone._ _ _

___Starscream threw another datapad at him, and the other Seeker had to take a step to the side to avoid it. The tricolored Seeker grunted but finally stopped destroying whatever fell under his hand. His vents worked hard as he sat down on the edge of a berth._ _ _

___“He has no right,” he groused. “No right at all! Frag it all, we were the ones who freed him from the ice! I was the one to convince Megatron to actually revive him, and how does he thank me?! Does he know how much pain I took from Megatron when he deserted?! What I took for him? He has no right to… to… replace me!” he ranted loudly._ _ _

___“You know what your problem is? You never liked letting go of your toys, Starscream,” Thundercracker commented bluntly, arms crossed over his chest. “What belongs to you, you never totally let go of, unless you want to.”_ _ _

___Starscream sputtered. “Skyfire isn’t a toy!”_ _ _

___Thundercracker raised an optic ridge. “But you don’t deny the fact he ‘belonged’ to you, I note. It would be wise of you not to comment,” he added as his trine leader opened his mouth. Uncharacteristically, Starscream did shut up. Probably because he knew it would only lead to a fight with Thundercracker over their different concepts of property and liberties._ _ _

___There was a moment of silence between the two, before Thundercracker asked. “Do you love him still? Or is it just to satisfy your ego or some petty need for revenge?”  
The question made sense for the blue Seeker; he wanted to be prepared if anything happened._ _ _

___Starscream stiffened. “It’s not revenge,” he snapped. “But he was mine, and he has no right to drop me like that! I love him, frag it!” Starscream’s optics were burning with a hidden fire. Love. What a strange concept. But it was the closest word he could use to describe what he was feeling for Skyfire. Though it wasn’t quite that either._ _ _

___But Skyfire was really special to Starscream. The shuttle had believed in him, once upon a time, when nobody else did. He had been a good field partner, a confident, a brilliant mind with which he could share his most extravagant theories and not being laughed at, and a most thoughtful and talented lover. Skyfire’s smiles had made him feel warm and worthy, clever and haughty. His voice had been soothing. His sensitivity… well, that, the Seeker could have gone without, but the giant mech gentle and humble nature was part of his charm, and nicely contrasted Starscream’s hidden ruthlessness and lust for acknowledgment. Starscream wasn’t one to form deep attachments, but for Skyfire… For Skyfire, he was willing to make an exception. He wanted him at his side, as a constant companion, not unlike his trine. But unlike Thundercracker and Skywarp, he didn’t simply see Skyfire as an asset and a burden in one. Skyfire was… well, he was supposed to be here and never leave him, and that was it._ _ _

___Thundercracker, not being privy to those thoughts, hummed skeptically. “I’m sure you do. That’s why you were a model of fidelity during those vorns, weren’t you?”_ _ _

___Starscream glared at him. “That’s different! I had needs! And I thought he was deactivated! I would never have taken someone else to my berth if I had even thought for a klik he was still alive after all that time!”_ _ _

___Thundercracker bit his glossa, unwilling to challenge the other Seeker’s claims. He doubted it was entirely true, but it was better not to alienate Starscream further. It would be counterproductive, and potentially dangerous. Beside, Starscream could have a very twisted interpretation of things and feelings, so perhaps he thought he was, or had been in love, as weird as that was._ _ _

___The red and blue Seeker started pacing, hands behind his back and a sour look on his face._ _ _

___“Skyfire is mine, Thundercracker! What does he see in Perceptor, anyway? Why would he choose a ground pounder when he could have ME?” he rambled._ _ _

___The blue Seeker sighed. “I would hardly fault him,” the blue Seeker told him blandly, which earned him a dark glare. “And I doubt the frame counts for much in this situation,” he added tranquility. “It’s a matter of personality, I guess.”_ _ _

___Starscream perked up, visibly interested, so Thundercracker elaborated. “Say what you like, the mech was in stasis; he didn’t change. You, on the other hand, lived through those vorns, so you did change. He mustn’t be able to reconcile what his memories of you are with what the actual reality is. Hardly surprising he’d rather cling to mechs who are…” he stopped himself before saying ‘more like the old you’ or ‘meeker’._ _ _

___Truth to be told, he really had a hard time picturing Starscream as not, well, being Starscream. That’s it, a backstabbing, cunning, egomaniacal mech with delusions of grandeur and a sharp glossa. Not to forget, brilliant; Starscream was a genius in the lab, no matter what else one thought._ _ _

___He didn’t know who was the mech Skyfire had known and loved, but Thundercracker had the feeling the Starscream he knew hadn’t been him. Not really. Even younger and more naïve, he doubted Starscream had really been a nice mech. But Starscream was good a casting an illusion and glossing over his worst faults when he really wanted something, so who knew? Perhaps he had been able to fool Skyfire into believing he was a sweet mech. Or perhaps the shuttle had been too naïve to really see what Starscream was like._ _ _

___It hardly mattered, anyway._ _ _

___Lips components pursued, Starscream stared at him, most likely having guessed what Thundercracker had been alluding to. He shifted on his pedes, thinking.  
“You think if I acted more like my younger self, I could convince him to join me again?” he asked pointedly._ _ _

___Thundercracker started. “I haven’t actually…”_ _ _

___“Too bad, because I can’t,” Starscream said dispassionately. “Too many things have happened. And as the Second of the whole Decepticon army, I can’t be seen as weak. That was essentially what I was and what I would be if I clung to those old ideals. I’m not that mech anymore. Skyfire will have to learn to like me as I am now,” he groused._ _ _

___Thundercracker’s optics narrowed. He didn’t like the way Starscream was talking. “What are you planning?” he asked brusquely._ _ _

___Starscream made a dismissive gesture. “Nothing… for now. But the Autobots are fated to lose someday, and when this day comes… I think I might know what reward I’ll take,” he said with a smirk._ _ _

___The blue Seeker stared at him in disbelief. “Starscream… are you even realizing what you’re saying?” he asked. “If you’re thinking about what I’m thinking, it will not end well, not for you, not for Skyfire, not for Perceptor…”_ _ _

___The tricolored Seeker snarled. “I don’t care about Perceptor! And it will end well for me!” And he stormed out of the room without Thundercracker being able to add a word edgewise._ _ _

___“That’s what you think…” he mumbled. ____ _

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

____Perceptor entered the room slowly, optics downcast. Starscream spared him look before focusing once more on his daughter’s grey frame._ _ _ _

____“So you came. Have a nice time ‘mourning’ with your fellow Autobots?” Starscream spat. Perceptor stayed silent, making Starscream look at him once more. The microscope was still looking at the floor, hands by his sides, posture utterly defeated. Which… wasn’t unusual from him when they were alone, he mused briefly. He always held himself like that when he awaited orders and when Starscream ranted at him or when he was deciding on a punishment for some ‘misbehavior’. Not that Perceptor actually misbehaved. He knew his place and obeyed the rules laid out for him. But Starscream liked to remind himself and the Autobot of who was in charge._ _ _ _

____The results, Starscream had to admit, weren’t exactly as pleasant as they sounded._ _ _ _

____Perhaps, just perhaps, he shouldn’t have been so harsh the few times he actually lashed out._ _ _ _

____His slave had feared him, and still did in some ways. But he was also very… indifferent to what was happening to him._ _ _ _

____It had become disturbing to watch, and Starscream had almost addressed the issues once. But then, he had noticed how… livelier Perceptor had become when playing with Sunglitter. As if their sparkling had lifted some weight off his shoulders. It wasn’t much, but it had been enough to convince the Seeker nothing was really amiss._ _ _ _

____He should have had that conversation after all, he chuckled bitterly._ _ _ _

____Perceptor was usually the one keeping an optic on their sparkling. It was expected of him, as her Carrier, and given Starscream’s responsibilities and long work time. True, he would have rather had Sunglitter raised by other, true Decepticons, but the tricolored Seekers didn’t have anyone he really trusted with his sparkling’s life. He had many enemies, Skywarp was rather unreliable with smaller life forms, and Thundercracker…_ _ _ _

____Oh, Primus, Thundercracker… He swallowed._ _ _ _

____Having the little femme educated with other sparklings by Beta had seemed like a good idea. And here were the results: eight dead sparklings, among them his own and Megatron’s hard won heir. He wondered what his trinemate would have said… would say when he’d heard the news._ _ _ _

____“Nothing to say to your defense, Perceptor?” he asked almost casually to the other mech, who stayed quiet. “You Autobots knowingly allowed a crazy femme near the little ones; don’t you have any remorse?”_ _ _ _

____Perceptor stayed immobile, and Starscream couldn’t judge his expression._ _ _ _

____He was starting to get angry. How could the mech stay so damn calm and apathetic when they had just lost their child? The one he had raised far more than Starscream? The one he, Starscream had thought, loved so much?_ _ _ _

____“Two sparklings lost, two… And it doesn’t seem to bother you that much,” he said indifferently. “One has to wonder if you have a spark… Why, yes, you have one, I saw it often enough. But does it still beat? That’s the question.”_ _ _ _

____Perceptor flinched and, startled, looked up, and Starscream tried to suppress a vindictive smile. He barely managed to. Perceptor’s face was… Well, it was obvious Starscream’s cutting remark hit him deeply. The tricolored Seeker barely felt any remorse for that, though._ _ _ _

____Pain was better than that blank look, fear and open submission the microscope usually wore when in his company._ _ _ _

____Primus, how could Skyfire have ever loved him enough to spark him up?_ _ _ _

____... Because he wasn’t like Starscream, that was why._ _ _ _

____-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _

_____“This is going too far, Starscream,” Thundercracker said, shaking as he tightened his fists. He glanced down from the balcony to the street underneath, where various Decepticons were laughing as an helpless Autobot was screaming for mercy while one particularly vicious ‘Con – that might or might not be related to Vortex, given his attitude and mannerisms – methodically cut his frame away, layer by layer. All the while, another Autobot, probably his bonded or at least his lover, kept pleading and crying while held up by a couple of mechs molesting his frame. He was not pleading for his own release, but for them to stop torturing his beloved, unable to look away from his fellow Autobot’s torment._ _ _ _ _

_____It was utterly sickening._ _ _ _ _

_____He glanced behind him. Skywarp, not bothered the slightest by the noise, had slipped into recharge long ago. To be fair, they had once recharged in worst conditions, but still…_ _ _ _ _

_____Starscream, sprawled into a couch and drinking his sixth cube of high grade of the cycle without a care in the world, just raised an optic ridge. “So?” he slurred.  
Thundercracker grimaced. He hated to see Starscream in such a state. The mech hadn’t taken Skyfire’s untimely demise during one of the last battles very well. In fact, he had taken it very badly. Starscream had done everything: shrieked, screamed of rage, random property damage, aggression on various foot soldiers and now...the drunkenness. He had also tried to shoot Onslaught, the mech who had ultimately fired the fatal shot that had extinguished Skyfire’s spark. It was pathetic. And for a mech who had left him of his own volition, at that!_ _ _ _ _

_____He had not known Skyfire, true, but in the blue Seeker’s opinion, no mech was worth such grief._ _ _ _ _

_____Below, the crowd went wild. Thundercracker took a look and almost purged as he ran back into the apartment. The slow, painful removing of the armor had revealed the Autobot’s inner parts, and one of them struck out. The crowd was calling for its removal._ _ _ _ _

_____Sick. Plain sick._ _ _ _ _

_____Was that all his fellow Decepticons were able to do now that they had won? Torture and offline as many Autobots as possible, in the most gruesome ways ever thought of?_ _ _ _ _

_____“He’s sparked,” the blue mech said dully, looking at Starscream, who didn’t seem to register what he was saying, too concentrated on getting intoxicated and wallowing in self-pity. “Do you hear me, Star? That Autobot is sparked. They’re torturing him, and he’s sparked, and he can’t defend himself or the newspark. Worst, they’re calling for the butcher mutilating him to cut the sparkling out of his body!” he screamed in horror._ _ _ _ _

_____Starscream barely looked at him. “And what woulsh you wantttt me to do, ‘xactly?” Don’t care… Let them…” he mumbled, nursing a new cube._ _ _ _ _

_____Thundercracker looked at him in utter disgust. “So you’ll not do anything? I have to wonder, when it’s Perceptor they’ll have out of there, will you allow them to sully and torture him like that? Will you allow what remains of Skyfire’s legacy to be destroyed that way?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Apparently, it was enough to filter through Starscream’s drunken CPU. The tricolored Seeker sat himself straight, optics suddenly blazing. “What. Did. You. Just. Say?” he asked softly, without any trace of a slur._ _ _ _ _

_____Thundercracker held straight. “I said, will you allow what remains of Skyfire’s legacy suffer through the same thing?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“What legacy?” Starscream asked, his voice deadly. It was as if he had never been drunk. Thundercracker swallowed. Now, that was the Starscream he was familiar with… and he wasn’t sure he was happy to see him anymore. “I asked you a question, Thundercracker. Don’t make me hurt you for an answer.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“The sparkling,” he answered automatically._ _ _ _ _

_____Starscream’s optics narrowed. “What sparkling?” he shrieked, making Skywarp whine as he woke up._ _ _ _ _

_____Thundercracker looked at him in the optics. “I’ve asked KnockOut. He’s charged to check the health of each prisoner, by order of Soundwave. Perceptor is sparked. Unless he cheated on his lover and we both know he’s not the type, the Sire is obviously and most certainly Skyfire.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Starscream’s optics started to shine vividly… ____ _ _ _

______-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _

______Starscream watched his slave intensely. No, Perceptor wasn’t like him. He was a lithe, pliable thing that couldn’t seriously defend himself. Maybe that was what Skyfire had enjoyed so much. He always had quite the knight mentality, thinking it was his duty to protect his smaller partners from all harm._ _ _ _ _ _

______It struck Starscream, unexpectedly, that the shuttle would be really disappointed with the way he had treated his latest fancy. He squashed any feeling of shame he could have felt quickly. Now wasn’t the time to second guess himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______It was far too late, anyway._ _ _ _ _ _

______Still…he could understand the appeal, on some degree. Why else would he have fucked the Autobot so often, after all?_ _ _ _ _ _

______-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Perceptor moaned helplessly as he felt the rush of heat inside him, signaling the Seeker had finished his ‘business’ with his body, and he sagged in relief as he heard him grunt and felt him pull out. Starscream wasn’t Skyfire, far from it. Where the shuttle had been playful, tender and suave, Starscream was brisk, insisting and unforgiving. The littlest flaw, the littlest move, the littlest spasm of his valve was commented disdainfully, to the microscope’s shame._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He found Perceptor’s valve either too tight or too loose, found his involuntary reactions to his ministrations either the proof he was a tramp or a prude, dismissed his pleas for a slower or faster pace, all in one, was very unpleasant. He hardly hit Perceptor, though, aside of a couple of slaps to make him obey his commands faster. He uttered threats, but didn’t follow through. Perceptor wasn’t going to make the mistake of assuming that the Seeker wouldn’t make them come true if he pushed too much._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He wouldn’t be carrying eternally, and come the birth, he didn’t know what would happen. His best hope, so far, was to obey Starscream’s every whims and pray the Seeker would settle down with time._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Not that Perceptor could actually disobey, even if he had wanted to. He has in a too vulnerable state to even try. He had to think about the sparkling, after all.  
Skyfire’s sparkling…_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What a lousy lay,” he heard Starscream sniping in the darkness. “How could Skyfire even take pleasure in fragging you?” Perceptor didn’t manage to restrain a sob. ‘Oh, Skyfire…’ “Oh, did I hurt your feelings, Autobot? Does the truth hurt?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______A hand caressed his abdomen gently. It always amazed him how much, despite his blatant hatred for him and the abuse he made him live through Starscream could be gentle when he thought nobody was watching. Well, aside of Perceptor, and he didn’t count. And it wasn’t to Perceptor he was nice; it was to the unborn sparkling nesting in his gestational chamber. Still, Perceptor had to wonder about this aspect of Starscream. Was it the mech Skyfire had loved resurfacing? Perhaps, perhaps not. That mech wasn’t interested in making things easier for Perceptor, so what did it matter?_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He felt Starscream’s cheek press against his middle. “Your most precious and useful feature is inside. I wouldn’t even consider putting up with you if that little one didn’t exist, you know?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Yes, Perceptor knew. Starscream always took his time to explain at great lengths why Perceptor was unworthy of actually bearing an offspring of Skyfire, and how ‘lucky’ he was to be carrying, or how Starscream would have made sure he suffered or was handed over to some vicious ‘Masters’, like, say, Vortex. The thought alone had almost made Perceptor faint with fear and shock, to Starscream’s amusement._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Though I suppose your mind and supposed brilliance could make you useful in other areas,” he mused. “I may, if I’m inclined to, get you a small workshop in one of the local labs. We always need more arms and minds to recreate some of the schools. The sparkling will definitely need an education, and I intend for it to be top notch,” he continued._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Perceptor didn’t answer. He just… listened. Starscream was in an excellent mood today, it seemed. That was probably the first time he alluded to having plans for Perceptor… well, aside of making him his punching bag and occasional sex toy. For all of his complaints about Perceptor being repulsive to his tastes, he certainly seemed to enjoy their ‘lovemaking sessions’. Typical Starscream, he supposed, to preach one thing and believe another. Though it might be something subconscious on his part? He hated Perceptor because he had been Skyfire’s lover. At the same time, a part of him liked Perceptor in some way because he resembled Skyfire in mindset. He was a brilliant scientist, a pacifist in his own ways and a gentle spark. Something Starscream might have been longing for subconsciously._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______At least, it was a fantasy Perceptor entertained sometimes, to try not to totally fall into despair._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“He’s going to be wonderful, I just know it,” Starscream muttered almost inaudibly. “I’m going to make sure of it…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Starscream wasn’t thinking straight, Perceptor had realized. In this newly founded Decepticon Empire, Skyfire’s sparkling was going to be ‘pure Autobot’. He was a future slave too, though Starscream seemed to refuse to even think about it. The sparkling was important, because it was a reminder of what could have been, something infinitely precious to him. His future place was in a warlike society which would scorn him for his parents’ choices didn’t matter… yet._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Starscream’s hands roamed over his frame, one of them settling down again between his legs, making the microscope shudder._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No,” he groaned, “not again…” he said, not able to stop himself, despite knowing the Seeker wouldn’t take that well. The reaction was instantaneous. He was backhanded harshly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What was that? Are you… denying your Master?” he purred._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Perceptor trembled. “N… n… no, Master,” he sputtered. “I would not…” A little slap against his left cheek, but he barely felt it._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Are you feeling sore after our last romp?” Starscream asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No… No, Master,” he amended quickly. He knew better than to lie to Starscream by now. The Seeker would back off if he thought his slave was in pain, and would even call a medic if needed, but Perceptor had better be in serious pain for him to do so. The Seeker knew how to read his body language, even in the dark. He knew the Autobot wasn’t damaged; he had always been careful after the first few times to not cause any intimate injuries. He just played a little game of power._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Starscream patted his head. “So there is no objection to me putting more transfluid in for the sparkling, is there?” he asked deceptively gently._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No, Master,” Perceptor answered with a desperate tune, and he parted his legs wider, giving Starscream better access to his frame. Then he shuttered his optics, hoping the Seeker wouldn’t draw it out longer than strictly necessary… ____ _ _ _ _ _

________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Struck speechless for a moment, the microscope finally found his voice back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That was… a very low blow, even for you,” Perceptor uttered softly. His voice was full of statics and restrained emotions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Had he been a nicer mech, Starscream might have felt sorry for him. But instead, he felt a tug of victory at having been able to make him react._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He gave a shrug. “Well, you don’t seem to care much for our daughter here, so I had to wonder if it had any effect on you,” he said almost flippantly, gesturing at the dead sparkling restful frame, but anyone could see he didn’t feel any amount of cheer, at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Perceptor’s optics went to the greyed, small frame, and he flinched. A single tear made his way from his optics. Starscream watched him dispassionately._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So, you did care about her… in some ways at least,” he stated. “I suppose you do; I saw you play with her sometimes. Hadn’t seen you smile like that since… well, not since you lived with me, I guess,” he muttered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Did you… did you think I really didn’t?” the microscope asked him, looking at the little frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That’s what your Prime kind of implied,” the Seeker answered him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Perceptor nibbled at his lip. “It’s… complicated. Most of us didn’t form emotional attachment to… to the sparklings we bore. It…hurt too much, most of the times. To care, and think… what they’re going to end up…” ‘like their Sires’ went unsaid, but Starscream understood anyway. Perceptor shifted uneasily. “But... I… you made me care for her exclusively and…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And you grew attached. Barely, but enough to give me the impression you loved her more than you did,” Starscream completed, taking in Perceptor dejected look. “You’re a good actor… or I’m becoming very unobservant, or arrogant.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The microscope didn’t answer, and for a time, there was nothing more to say. Outside, they could hear mechs running, people wailing about the deaths of the young sparklings, especially Megatron’s heir._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Would have it been different?” the Seeker suddenly asked, startling Perceptor. “Would have it been any different, had you raised Skyfire’s sparkling before you bore mine?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The microscope shifted. “You… why do you ask…?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You loved him, didn’t you? Skyfire. And that sparkling he got you with. I saw your looks, sometimes, when you thought you were alone… heard you talk to him aloud, wondering what you were going to name it… wondering if he would have thought it was a good name…” Starscream said brokenly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Perceptor sagged. “That… you… doubted... you thought... that I didn’t love either of them? Why?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The Seeker shrugged. “I have my reasons.” Unsaid were said reasons, but Perceptor could guess. Jealousy. Possessiveness. Core belief that Perceptor wasn’t and would never be good enough for the shuttle. The bad break-up making him despise anyone Skyfire could be close to. Paranoia. Lots and lots of possible reasons Perceptor didn’t feel like analyzing or rationalizing to himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“So?” Starscream asked again. “Would it have made a difference?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Perceptor tried to think about it. He really did. He didn’t know what to answer, because he had never expected the question to pop up. Starscream watched intensely as he fumbled for something to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Ah, don’t answer,” he finally said, before Perceptor could even formulated a clear answer. “It’s just wistful thinking, anyway,” Starscream said quietly. “He died, and that’s it. No second guessing.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It wasn’t my fault, though,” the microscope whispered. “It never was.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Starscream looked at him. Really, really looked at him, and remembered the time past, what he saw and what he didn’t see in time. “No,” he acknowledged for the first time, making Perceptor stare at him in bewilderment. “It never was…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Perceptor lay silently on the medical berth. He felt… empty. In more than one way. Monitors beeped around him, but he didn’t care. He was too exhausted and distraught to care about anything. He barely even managed to turn his head to the side. The one and only reason the medic in charge of the ward didn’t see a point in shackling him down like he did with most patients. Next to Perceptor’s berth, another Autobot, a femme he was unfamiliar with tried to get his attention, gently calling to him. Thinking about it, her yellow face and red and pink paint scheme were familiar enough, though he couldn’t recall her name. He remembered having briefly seen before with Elita One’s troops, and perhaps in a hologram or two kept by… Red Alert, perhaps? He managed to turn his head sufficiently to look at her, acknowledging her presence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________More precisely, he looked at the bundle at her side. The sparkling she had given birth to fairly recently had been wrapped in layers of thermal blankets to keep his fluctuating systems’ temperature constant. He vaguely resembled Red Alert, the microscope noticed. The femme herself had her ankles manacled to the berth, but her arms were free to grab her sparkling and hold him close._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Something Perceptor would never been able to do with his own. Cleaning fluid gathered in his optics and he was hard pressed not to just start sobbing in pain and helplessness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________The last gift his lover had entrusted him with, and he had lost it…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________There wouldn’t be anything of Skyfire left in this world, except memories. That alone was enough to make him despair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Perceptor knew his torments weren’t finished. Because, if he was desperate over losing his sparkling, his Master was going to be furious. Actually, he already was. Perceptor could hear the shriek from here, and he fought the urge to cry and curl upon himself. Not that he felt strong enough to, anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“---alm down!” he heard someone said just as the doors of the Medbay opened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream barged him, wings held high and face frozen in an expression of pure fury. Thundercracker was following him closely, apparently trying to calm him down with little success. Skywarp too was tagging along, looking vaguely disturbed. As the trio made their way to his berth, Perceptor let a sob of despair escape him.  
Starscream came to him directly and slapped him. Hard. Perceptor cried out. He heard the femme in the other berth swear, and the sparkling started to wail. Starscream started to hit him, the microscope unable to defend himself, but Thundercracker and Skywarp were immediately there to grab their trine leader’s arms and make him back down, though they were hard pressed to hold him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Release me! Immediately!” Starscream screeched, trying to get out of the other Seekers’ hold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Damn it Scree, that’s enough! He’s in bad enough shape without you adding more injuries to the mix!” Skywarp bellowed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“He fragging lost Skyfire’s sparkling!” Starscream screamed in rage and… was it anguish? Perceptor wasn’t thinking clearly enough to tell the difference. And he wept. It was true. He had lost Skyfire’s legacy to the world…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Yeah, we heard you the first time! So he miscarried, big deal! There’s a lot of Autobots out of there who already did, and he’s not the last,” Skywarp groused as he fought to keep his grip on the other Seeker. “Primus, that was just some dumb Autobot’s spark…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________He was cut off by Starscream’s shriek of rage and almost fell over when Starscream tried to claw at him rather than at Perceptor. “It wasn’t some ‘dumb Autobot’s sparkling’! And he lost it! He LOST IT!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Yeah, and you’re losing it too,” Thundercracker growled. “Get a grip and calm down!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Calm down? Skyfire’s sparkling, was the only reason I put up with this sniveling weakling, who isn’t even worthy of warming my berth. He is DEAD and it’s his fault!” Starscream screamed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“His fault? How was it his fault? He obeyed the medic’s orders to the letter! You’re the one who screwed up!” Thundercracker screamed back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Suddenly, there was a foreboding silence. Aside from the panicked sparkling’s wails, nobody said a word. Skywarp and Starscream had frozen on the spot, and after a klik, Starscream had no problem shaking his arm out of Skywarp’s hold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“What. Did. You. Just. Say?” he asked, enunciating his words slowly, menacingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Lesser mechs would have flinched and run. But being used since long to his trine leader’s antics and moods, Thundercracker kept his cold. “I said: it’s your fault he lost his sparkling. You’re the one who forced him to accompany you, when he clearly told you he was feeling unwell. You’re the one who cut out all his comm. frequencies, effectively making him unable to immediately call for a medical advice and assistance when he needed it. You’re the one who didn’t take the time to notice his gestation period wasn’t going well and he was underfed. He did the best he could. YOU screwed up, not him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Skywarp shook his head in disbelief. Perceptor was too far gone to really pick up the conversation. He was that close to statis. The femme was watched them with obvious fear, the sparkling was still wailing, though less than before. And Starscream and Thundercracker glared at each other in obvious hatred._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream felt cold rage building inside. Outwardly, though, his behavior calmed. He barely acknowledged Perceptor’s presence anymore. He would deal with the now worthless slave later. Now, he had a count to settle with his ‘trinemate’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“My fault you say?” he laughed briefly without humor. “That’s funny for you to say that, Thundercracker. You’re pointing the finger at me, and at everyone, but you never. Ever. Point it at yourself. You think you’re irreproachable? Perfect? Ah! You’re not better than any of use. You make arguments and get all worked up about our supposed ‘cruelty’ to the other side, but I didn’t see you once do something about that! Not out in the open, anyway, where anyone can see you! You know what you are, Thundercracker? A fragging coward!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Thundercracker bristled. “Don’t you dare, Starscream, don’t you dare…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream chuckled darkly. “Oh, but I’ll dare anyway, ‘dearest’. You’re quick to point out the wrongs, slow to propose a solution or stop someone from, what was it? ‘Abusing their newfound powers’. Doesn’t stop you from playing the Lording yourself, though. What about that mech you took as a personal slave? Is he a good lay?” he asked with faked curiosity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Thundercracker looked at him murderously. “I’ve never touched him like that and don’t intend to, unlike you! You fragging claim that you hate the mech and find him lacking in aesthetic, but you frag him far more than what is required for the sparkling’s good! Who’s the hypocrite exactly? You…!” Once more, he couldn’t complete his argument._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Of course not, you don’t touch your prize,” Starscream said in dismissal, as if he hadn’t heard the last part of his wingmate’s rant. “You’re far too… Noble to let yourself go with your baser instincts and take advantage of a slave. Guess you’ll never get any, then, since no proper Decepticon is going to let himself be spiked when the Autobots are there for that,” he snarled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“So? Interfacing isn’t all there is in life,” the blue Seeker answered rather calmly. Well, aside from the shaking of his fists, that’s it. Skywarp kept looking at them both, absolutely bewildered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Guys, calm down, please. How about we go take a cube of high grade, get some recharge and cool down?” he asked almost desperately._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream just gave him a look, and the black Seeker took a small step back, shifting uneasily on his pedes. He then turned to his other trinemate. “I’ve had more than enough of you and your moralizing rants. I never want to hear another want about the way I treat MY SLAVE again. He’s not your problem, he’s mine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Thundercracker snorted. “Right. Knowing you, you’ll kill him in a matter of orns. Must I remind you Megatron made laws about that? And that you will not get another one unless someone else really screws up and gets his possessions taken away? Anyway, you don’t have any real reason to harm him so. No killing the remaining Autobots, unless they’ve tried to kill their Masters or…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream smirked. “I know perfectly well what those laws are, and just how many restriction and how much leeway they offer in the treatment of personal slaves. Don’t think I don’t know who suggested some of them to Shockwave and Megatron when they were ratifying the whole chart. Some would be very interested in knowing it was because of you that they can’t have their ‘fun’ anymore.” It wasn’t said in a threatening way, exactly, but the threat was implicit anyway. Still, Thundercracker took it in stride and didn’t flinch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Scree,” Skywarp tried, feeling lost and scared. Sure, his trinemate’s had their moments and argued a lot, but this time, it was becoming serious. It wasn’t looking good at all. He was glared at again, and TC made a gesture for him to shut up, but ‘shut up’ in the sense of ‘don’t draw attention on you’ rather than ‘you bother me’, like Starscream._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Starscream took a good look at Thundercracker and at his stormy expression. He felt no joy whatsoever. He glanced briefly at Perceptor, whose optics were flickering, and he grimaced in disgust and repressed helplessness. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Perceptor wasn’t supposed to be here. It was supposed to be Skyfire here, not that weakling ground pounder he had shagged for a time. And now, even without Skyfire’s legacy, he was still tied to the red mech, because the Mighty Megatron wouldn’t let him back down and change his mind about who he wanted to own._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Deep down, he knew Thundercracker was right. It was his own damn fault. But he wasn’t ready to face it, didn’t want to. Easier to blame Perceptor, blame Megatron, blame Onslaught who had fired the fatal shot at his old friend and lover…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Easier to blame Thundercracker for the Pit of contradicting feelings he felt inside him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Get out,” he deadpanned. “I don’t ever want to see your sorry face again, is that clear?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Crystal, ‘Trineleader’,” Thundercracker answered, face dark, as he saluted, before turning on heel and making his exit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“TC, wait!” Skywarp called out to him. But the blue Seeker didn’t, and the last Perceptor saw of him before he blacked out definitively was his retreating back. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You… You…” Perceptor sputtered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Starscream gave him a look. “Don’t make me repeat, Autobot.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Perceptor went quiet. He glanced at his daughter’s body again, quickly. Just to assure himself she was still here. That she was really dead. Stupid thinking. He had felt the creation bond snap and dissipate, though it hadn’t hurt him nearly as much as he had thought it would. It certainly hurt him far much than Optimus or First Aid, with whom he had been at the time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Starscream was back to contemplating the sparkling’s body._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“We’ll need to organize funerals,” he said finally. “Suppose Megatron’s already deciding on what he’s going to do about Nemesis… the others, too.”  
Perceptor didn’t say anything more. Starscream continued to talk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“An open casket… I’ll have someone repaint her a bit, just so they could see how pretty she was when she was… alive,” his voice almost broke. “An honor guard and a procession to accompany the casket to the crypt. Here, under the palace, with the old Primes and Senators. My daughter merits it, at the very least. Can’t have her taken to Vos, it hasn’t been sufficiently rebuild yet. Not enough Seekers left to have a classical Vosian rite, anyway. Had to make do with the grounders policies. But since her Carrier was a grounder, that can work anyway,” he rambled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Perceptor listened to him, nibbling his lip. It almost sounded like Starscream wanted his input. Except, Starscream never wanted to hear his thoughts on anything. He was supposed to obey without a qualm and praise him for his deeds. Not propose they do things differently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Starscream continued to talk about ribbons, colors, mourning songs, Seeker’s cant and guests. From time to time, he glanced at Perceptor, who nodded in agreement to whatever the Decepticon said, but never said a word._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He didn’t feel like he had the right, anyway. Sunglitter was more Starscream’s daughter than his, for all that he had raised her up so far. And for all his flaws, for all his cruelty and pettiness and violent temper, Starscream had truly loved her, just as, Perceptor had no doubt, he would have cherished Skyfire’s offspring. Just as he would probably love any child of his that he sired on his slave…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He observed Starscream as he spoke, detachedly, of what he would do for the sparkling’s funerals. His face had become sadder with each word. He wasn’t crying, not quite, but there was so much emotion in his voice…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Starscream was his own personal nightmare, but for once, he sounded… He sounded like someone who really cared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“My only daughter… my only child,” the Seeker moaned softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Starscream…” Perceptor started. “She… she could have had a sibling,” he fumbled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Oh Primus… he thought to himself. I said it…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What?” the Seeker said, his optics widening as they drifted away from Sunglitter’s frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m… I’m carrying again,” the microscope said simply, trying to keep his voice steady, and failing to do so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He hadn’t wanted to tell, but it had come out anyway. Probably because he was feeling sorry for Starscream… and sorry for his now dead daughter. She would have enjoyed a sibling, he knew. As much as he hated the thought, she had told him as much. But of course, she had no idea how trying and spark wrenching it was for her Carrier to even consider the idea. She had been unaware… innocent of the ways her Sire’s world worked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You’re sparked. Again.” Starscream said flatly, taking a good look at his slave._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Perceptor nodded once and dropped his gaze to the floor once more, awaiting Starscream’s reaction. It could be anything at this point. Given the recent circumstances – and he had a hard time not to stare at Sunglitter’s grey frame once more – it could be anything, really, from a rant to a beating to hysterical crying. He mentally braced himself, almost certain to be hit at least once. It would, at the very least, fit Starscream’s usual M.O._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“How long?” the Seeker asked blankly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Three… About three orns,” the microscope answered warily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“And you were planning on telling me… when?” Starscream asked, voice becoming raspy. “When you had lost it? Again?” Perceptor shifted uneasily on his pedes, having no answer to give._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Honestly, he had not really thought about bringing the news to Starscream. Carrying another of his offspring had been a… unwelcome surprise, one that he had a lot of problem wrapping his mind around. Not only because of the unpleasantness of bearing the child of your rapist, but also because carrying was… hazardous. Starscream abused him and molested him more or less regularly, and Perceptor had ended up sparked several times. But Sunglitter had been the only one he had delivered safely. For Starscream, his slave had miscarried twice… that he knew of, because he had been here when it happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________In truth… Perceptor had miscarried much more than that. He had just… never informed the Seeker of his state. He had simply waited for him to pick the clues, so to speak. But to his consternation and relief, Starscream never did. Which probably was for the best. He had been displeased enough the two times… well, three times it had already happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Three orns… the newspark hasn’t left your chamber yet, then?” the Seeker asked him, and he shook his head. The frame was still in construction in his gestational chamber, and the newspark was still in his spark chamber, waiting for the right time to migrate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Uncharacteristically, Starscream just came to him and hugged him, making Perceptor make a sound of surprise and distress. He thought he was going to get hit, but Starscream just held him close and tightly, one hand pressing against Perceptor’s chest, feeling the heat emanating from the smaller mech’s frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Another sparkling…” he murmured. He sounded… neutral. Not unhappy, but not glad either._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Of course, the circumstances for such news weren’t the best. It was like they were already replaced their first offspring with an intruder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m sorry,” Perceptor whispered, feeling silly for saying it aloud. “I didn’t want to announce it like that…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Starscream chuckled mirthlessly. “That’s a habit with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“On. Your. Hands. And. Knees.” Starscream said again, detaching each word so they were perfectly audible. Perceptor shook his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Please, please Starscream, I don’t…!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________He was hit in retaliation. Starscream wasn’t in a patient or good mood, and had little intention of putting up with his slave’s reluctant disposition. He wanted to frag, now! So what if the Autobot felt under the weather? That wasn’t his problem! Weakling had no stamina… And always forgot his place. Well, he would correct that. Again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Perceptor cried and shook with fear as he saw Starscream readying his fist, intent on correcting his ‘disobedient slave’ on his ‘deplorable behavior’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Starscream, no! I’m sparked!” he yelled out in despair, shuttering his optics and waiting for the impact. It never came. Precautionary, he onlined his optics again, and his gaze met Starscream’s frozen face, his fist an inch away from the microscope’s abdomen._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“You’re…” the Seeker said in disbelief. His grip on Perceptor’s wrist eased slightly as he forced the Seeker to get closer to him. Perceptor went limp as Starscream’s free hand roamed over him, trying to get a feel of something._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Are you sure?” he asked, and the microscope nodded faintly, terrified._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Y…yeah,” Perceptor whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Starscream stared at him in disbelief. Clearly, he had never thought his romps with his slave would end up this way. “Mine?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Perceptor nodded. As if any doubt was possible; he was forbidden from going out of the estate, and they never received visitors. And when he was allowed outside with Starscream for a meeting or some kind of party, his Master had made it very clear the one he found molesting his slave would end up in pieces._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“How long?” the Seeker asked again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“I… I don’t know,” the Autobot answered. Starscream’s optics narrowed in suspicion. “I… I recognized the symptoms, but couldn’t get a medic to confirm or to make a health check!” he blurted out quickly, afraid that Starscream didn’t believe him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________The suspicion in Starscream’s optics decreased. It was replaced, however, by irritation and what Perceptor thought could be panic. Which was very strange, since Starscream claimed to despise him, seemingly uncaring of becoming a Sire. Or so he had said once. “Idiot mech! You should have told me and commed a medic as soon as you thought you could be sparked!” he backhanded Perceptor, but lightly, as if he was afraid of really hurting him, but wanted to prove a point anyway. “Well, come on! I’ll get Knock Out to examine you, and be aware that if you have lied, or if anything has happened to this sparkling because of your incompetence and restlessness…” He left the threat hanging as he dragged the Autobot after him to the nearby berth and forced him to lay down while he commed the renowned Decepticon medic._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Wisely, Perceptor refrained from commenting that if he still had some comm., he could have done so himself far sooner, and that he was hardly restless. Starscream, on the other hand…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________The Autobot pressed a hand to his spark chamber and sighed. Carrying was supposed to be a wonderful thing. He had enjoyed knowing he was going to have a child with Skyfire. He had loved it. But really, what he felt presently for this newly developing spark was… nothing. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You need to rest,” Starscream said out of the blue, startling Perceptor out of his memories. “Go back to our quarters, lay down and recharge. I’ll have Knock Out check on you later on… That’s it, if we don’t need him to sedate Megatron. Primus knows we will not have this issue with the lot of you,” he laughed mirthlessly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yes, Master,” Perceptor answered automatically, slipping out of Starscream’s embrace and bowing down as he knew was proper toward the Seeker. It was an ingrained reflex nowadays. The Air Commander had always been strict about what he considered proper respect. It often changed with his mood, but the bow was a constant._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Hesitantly, he glanced once more at Sunglitter’s frame. Starscream followed his gaze and his mouth thinned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Out, now. She’s not your problem anymore. Concentrate on the living, will you?” he added, not unkindly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor nodded. That was… very strange. Starscream was rarely gentle when he spoke to him. But the day in itself was a strange one anyway, so what was one more oddity?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Bowing again, he took his leave. He felt exhausted. Some recharge, and perhaps a later chat with Fireflight if Skywarp let him out and Starscream allowed it, would help him recuperate. His thoughts turned toward Starscream’s once more. For once, he really felt pity for his ‘Master’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Other Autobots, he knew would have scolded him for getting soft and forgiving toward their enemies and abusers. However, Perceptor didn’t have it in him to truly hate someone. Not even Starscream. And perhaps, that was his biggest flaw…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Alone in the impromptu mortuary chamber, the Seeker started singing a sad tune in Seeker’s cant. He was, however, soon disrupted by a call from the Palace’s Communication Center. There was an incoming call for him, from Vos._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream straightened upon hearing the news._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Vos… It could only mean one mech: Thundercracker._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Long time no see, Starscream.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Primus, he had missed Thundercracker’s voice. True, it was a bit garbled over the comm. system, but it had been far too long since he had last heard it. On the screen, the blue Seeker’s face was solemn._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Hello there, Thundercracker. Called to gloat?” Starscream asked almost pleasantly. But his face was twisted in a painful grimace, and Thundercracker could hear the sad note in his voice even through the comm., so he simply shook his head. Trust Starscream to try and be a diva, even when he obviously needed comfort._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I heard about Sunglitter. I’m sorry,” the blue Seeker said softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream tilted his head. “Already heard? News travels fast. You knew her name? Even though you never met her?” It was... He didn’t know. But some part of him was glad Thundercracker, despite never, ever seeing her, knew what she had been named. Had he known what she had liked, too? How had he known anything about her, anyway?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thundercracker sighed. “Starscream, you’re still Megatron’s Second and a highly respected General. All of Cybertron knows the name of your offspring. And don’t think that, because you basically banished me from your presence, I didn’t keep an optic on you and ‘Warp. Though, yes, I was informed faster than most. Skywarp was diligent in… informing me of her passing. I called as soon as I learned.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Of course you did.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________There was a silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So… how are you feeling?” Thundercracker asked him awkwardly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream had a humorless laugh. “How do you think I feel? My daughter’s dead. Assassinated. Her Carrier hardly cares. But I think you had gathered that already? You always knew something like this would happen, didn’t you?” he asked, looking at Thundercracker’s image with pain in his optics._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“No,” the blue Seeker said quietly. “I did not. I suspected some kind of laser-guided karma would strike us someday for some of the things that we did, but I never suspected that it would come down to… this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Our own damn fault, eh?” Starscream chuckled softly. “You know, I’ve a hard time understanding them. The Autobots. Were we really that cruel? I remember the slums, before the war… bad things happened there daily, still people survived, and thrived. Or at least, they tried to. They weren’t slaves in name, but frag it to the Pit if they weren’t in mind.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The blue Seeker nodded at him. “I remember, yes. Slums people were hard folk, wanting something more, wanting out. It’s no surprise them all went to the Decepticons. But people born outside of it didn’t have the mindset to adapt to the same… unfortunate circumstances. Were we cruel? Oh Pit, yes!” he raged, then schooled his features into a more peaceful expression. “Of course, you were almost constantly overcharged during the first few orns following Megatron’s final victory, so you never took the time to come down in the streets and see… None of you in the high command did. Megatron was too busy basking in his victory and ‘facing the Prime, Shockwave never cared much for emotional trauma and Soundwave was too busy trying to hold down the fort, so to speak, to really take notice of the worst abuses.” Thundercracker sighed. “I was sober, not drunk on victory and high grade. One against too many to count. I saw, and had to hold my glossa when I realized nobody cared about what we were doing to our fellow Cybertronians. Worst, most of us were delighted, seeing what was done as justice or justified retribution. On mechs who, more often than not, had no idea of their living conditions and treatment before the war had been so bad. Oh, the irony, Star! Can’t say our Revolution’s ended being any better than the corrupt system we had before,” he smiled bitterly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream didn’t comment on that. He wondered, exactly, what he had missed out while he had been mourning. He didn’t think the Autobots would tell, but perhaps Soundwave kept records? He had no love for the telepath, but if he had any information..._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Do you want me to come over for the funerals?” Thundercracker asked him, startling him out of his thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“If you want to,” he answered absentmindedly. It would be nice, he supposed, to have their whole trine together at the same place again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Though there might be a problem for his former wingmate to come._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Say, Thundercracker,” Starscream asked tiredly, but with some genuine curiosity. “How is he doing, that mech you took in?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thundercracker looked at him for a second, as if he was weighing his words. “He’s fine,” he finally answered. “Well, as fine as one can be in his case.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“As a slave?” Starscream asked with a half-smile for his entire ‘nice guy’ act, perhaps Thundercracker wasn’t as good of a mech as he wanted others to think._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“No. As a now mentally impaired mech,” Thundercracker replied briskly. Starscream deflated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Ah, yes… I never quite understood why you chose him. It was obvious that he was going to be put down, and perhaps it would have been a mercy. But here you come, swooping down and claiming him as your own personal servant, whisking him away from the world. When everybody could see he was impaired, and as such, useless…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Because it was the right thing to do,” Thundercracker answered simply. “So, what if he currently wasn’t exactly… fine in the head? He could still have recovered and have be used in good fashion for the reconstruction effort.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I take it he didn’t get any better with time?” Starscream pointed out, understanding what wasn’t being said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________On the screen, Thundercracker’s shoulders sagged. “No. He has not. There has been progress, but nowhere near as much as I had hoped for. Broken bonds can do that to you, when they don’t outright kill you. The closer and longer you’ve been bonded, the worst it is. And it’s his twin who died…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It would have been mercy, then, to offline him,” Starscream said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I hardly think so,” the other Seeker said back. “And I really think there was enough pointless death already without adding one more to the list.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream wanted to argue, but he didn’t currently have the strength to do so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Still, he tried to make conversation. It’s been so long since he had last had a talk with Thundercracker. Not since the scene in the Medbay. And well, he was becoming genuinely curious about Thundercracker’s approach with his own slave. He had taken him in without any plans aside of keeping him somewhat safe. The golden terror he remembered was now a wreck that could never have been used as a plaything, well, unless you were a very twisted mech. And Thundercracker wasn’t that kind of mech. What use did he have, really? Whatever talents he had before… did he still have them?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’ve heard that he was quite the artist before the war. Does he still paint?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________A disturbed look crossed over Thundercracker’s face, making Starscream raise an optic ridge. There was apparently more that Thundercracker wasn’t sharing. “Yeah… somehow. He finger-paints, mainly. On the walls, the floors, the peoples … He paints on anything he can. But some of what comes out of his imagination, I’ll never show anyone.” The blue Seeker shuddered. Starscream chose to not comment. Instead, he changed the subject._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I take it that he’s in no state to be moved and come with you? So, are you able to leave him alone at your estate?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“That’s not a problem. I’ve another… slave… who can keep an optic on him,” the other Seeker explained, watching his words._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream’s optics furrowed in confusion before he remembered. “Ah, true. I had forgotten you had received Dirge’s seized estate and properties when he was suspected of treason three vorns ago. Including his slave, you manoeuvred well,” he said with a smirk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thundercracker seemed to stand straighter. “I don’t see what you mean,” he said calmly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’m sure you don’t,” Starscream replied. There was and would never be any way to prove Dirge’s downfall hadn’t been ‘wisely’ orchestrated by his teammate, for the sole purpose of getting another Autobot under his ‘protection’. Smart mechs could guess, though, if they really took the time to think about it. Thundercracker wasn’t ruthless, but he was far more cunning than most people thought. “Think this Autobot will be able to keep your pet out of trouble?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thundercracker had to smile faintly. “Trust me, he will. Dinobots can be quite persuasive.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Without leaving Starscream the time to ask him anything else, he added. “I’ll be here as soon as possible. Sorry if I cut now, but I’m needed outside.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream nodded in acceptance. Thundercracker had responsibilities in Vos; he understood. Still, to be dismissed so quick… it twisted something inside him. He wanted, needed to talk some more. Of course, if the other Seeker really came to him, then the point would be moot. They were just postponing the real spark to spark conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thundercracker gave him a last look. “Star… Don’t avenge yourself on him again,” he warned the tricolored Seeker before he cut the feed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream looked at the black screen for a long time. “I don’t intend to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Sunglitter was now safely in the care of the servants, who would arrange for her to get a nice appearance for the public wake. He had been strongly advised to get some rest, especially from Knock Out and Hook, who came to help the better trained medic. Ratchet had concurred, strangely enough. Now, that was an Autobot he wondered about. He truly seemed shaken by what had happened with Beta and the sparklings. Hardly surprised by his fellow Autobots’ reaction, though; he had just sighed, as if he had always known it would end up this way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Just how many mechs, out of here, had known and said nothing? Starscream wondered about Soundwave as well. The telepath had an interview and data collect project going on that he wasn’t willing to share, and Starscream vaguely wondered if it had anything to do with… with the current events.  
He was supposed to rest. And he had smiled mirthlessly at anyone who said that, because how in the Pit could he rest when there was so much going on in his CPU?  
No, he couldn’t rest. But he could watch others doing so._ _ _ _

____________For several joors now, he watched Perceptor recharge, silent, standing at the foot of their common berth in the quarters allowed to them in Megatron’s palace. The apartment was nice, though not as nice as the Seeker’s estate at the edge of Praxus…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor shifted a bit in his sleep, and Starscream balked. Still, he stared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________In his sleep, the microscope features were peaceful. Beautiful. His memory's feedback must have been pleasant ones. Was he thinking about his time with Skyfire? Did he remember some real joy from having Sunglitter? The Skyfire’s hypothesis seemed the most likely, though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Skyfire had been one-of-a-kind. Or so Starscream had thought. Now… Well, now, he didn’t know what he was feeling anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Some part of him was ranting about the unfairness of it all. Another wept for what could have been. Another wailed for the loss of his child. Another was full of fury against the murderer, wanting nothing more than find a way to bring her back to life to kill her again, and again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Mostly, though, he felt some kind of nausea unsettling his fuel tank._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________How could have things come to that? The Autobots, champion braggers for the rights of all sentient beings, yadda, yadda, yadda, reduced to wrecks who didn’t even care for the lives of their own children?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Oh Primus, the world had become mad when he hadn’t been looking… or when he had been looking, but not at the bigger picture._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Would Skyfire have ended up like those other Autobots, had he still be alive?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________That too was sickening to contemplate, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Slavery… he had never thought about it in details before. He had people to lord over and execute his whims, he had prestige, glory, recognition, and everything he could have ever wanted when he was young. That other mechs suffered wasn’t his problem._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Except, the problem didn’t seem to think Starscream wasn’t concerned, and it had eventually hit him when he had least expected it. And the price to pay had been his precious sparkling’s life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor shifted again in his recharge. He looked… gorgeous, and Starscream had to fight back a wave of desire. Now wasn’t the time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The Autobot was carrying. The Autobot was distraught. The Autobot… he didn’t know how to act with him anymore. He just… he knew, deep down, that he couldn’t continue to treat him like he did before. Not after… Not after Beta and Sunglitter. Not when there was another little one on the way, one he intended to see live._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He thought about Skyfire again, and the uneasiness didn’t falter. He tried to imagine the shuttle in the microscope’s place, once again. Tried to imagine the downcast expression and sometimes dull optics on his old friend and lover. Remembered why they were so. A question haunted him. Would have he been able to do that to someone he loved?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Did he love Perceptor?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________..._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________That was a tricky question. He didn’t love him, not like he had loved Skyfire, if he had indeed loved him. Slowly, he was realizing that he had, for a long time now, subconsciously leaned against the microscope for strength. The microscope had become a fixture in his life. He was there, quiet and timidly smiling at times, when he thought Starscream wasn’t looking and he saw or thought of something pleasant to him. It was nice smile; Starscream had to admit it, though he had never outwardly cared about it. Perceptor wasn’t doing science anymore, and well, perhaps Starscream could start to allow him that. There had to be more to his pet’s life than cleaning the house, playing with their sparklings, and entertaining him in the berth, though not of his own free will and choice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Yes, he supposed, he loved Perceptor. Amazingly enough, despite his original hatred, he had grown so accustomed to him he couldn’t hate him anymore. Instead, he was… well, he didn’t know for sure what he felt or what he was doing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He knew he had to do something. Now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Starscream?” He lifted his head and saw Perceptor’s blue optics staring at him. “What are you doing?” he asked, shifting to he could sit on the edge of the berth and stand._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Thinking,” he answered back, continuing to stare at the microscope. “Perceptor… We need to talk.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The microscope nodded faintly, silently, arms at his side and optics downward, waiting for his Master to speak. Curiously, it didn’t make Starscream happy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The Seeker sighed. “I had time to think, while you recharged. I don’t… I don’t want what happened with Sunglitter –“he stalled on the name, a sour taste in his mouth as he evocated his now deceased sparkling, “– to happen again.” Perceptor shifted uneasily, but didn’t comment. Starscream took a deep inspiration through his vents before talking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So… How about we start things over again?” he asked simply. And realized he had made a mistake._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor’s optics dimmed. “What?” he asked, rather stupidly. Starscream refrained from snorting and making a snarky answer. It certainly wouldn’t help. He supposed he could have phrased things better._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But before he could utter a world to better explain himself, the microscope took a step back (which made Starscream almost flinch – he didn’t want Perceptor to get away from him; not now, not ever) and started to laugh shakily… and perhaps a tad hysterically. The Seeker visibly winced; that was not what he had been aiming for._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh Primus,” Perceptor hiccupped nervously, “oh Primus… You didn’t… you didn’t just ask me…” he laughed again, uneasily, and crying. He sat down abruptly, and hid his face against his knees, arms locked around his legs as his frame shook violently. Starscream watched him with narrowed optics, and a small trace of concern in his features. But he said nothing. At this point, he didn’t think anything he could say would do any good._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Whatever hysteria had befallen the genius Autobot started to dissipate, and the red mech uncurled a little to give Starscream a wry and desperate look. “Oh, Starscream…” he said in a soft voice. “How can you even ask… do you even understand…?” he gave a helpless chuckle. “You think… you think just by proposing… just because you… you have a guilt trip that probably won’t last…? You really think you can erase vorns and vorns and vorns of abuse you knowingly afflicted? Oh, Primus, I knew you were insane, but that…” His face disappeared again has he made a keening sound. A glimpse at the hiding face told Starscream the microscope was leaking optical cleaning fluid._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor laughed again, and it wasn’t a nice laugh. It was the laugh of a broken mech. A very, very broken mech. Starscream’s vents worked hard to cool himself down, and he held his tongue in check as he watched his slave and reluctant lover completely break down in front of him; just because he was making a sincere proposition to erase some of the past, and to start on a better base._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Primus, how he hated it when Thundercracker was right…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Slowly, Perceptor’s broken laughter subsided. The microscope looked at him.  
“Are you really serious?” he asked his Master, tears still in his optics._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream nodded firmly. “Yes. I don’t see what’s so amusing about that,” he said crossly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor sighed. “Of course you don’t. You clearly lack any form of empathy.” Starscream tried to feel incensed, but couldn't manage it. There was some truth to what the microscope said; he never was good with other people’s feelings._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The Autobot eyed him warily before pursuing. “I’m a slave, Starscream. Your slave,” he said with a joyless smile. “Slaves, in this Empire you constructed, are at the bottom of the bottom. They’re property, they have no rights, aside of the one to endure whatever is thrown at them. You abuse me daily, hit me, rape me any time you wish to. You care little for what I wish or think, of what I’m feeling deep down. You don’t let me work on anything, or let me help. I’m a decorative object, a plaything. I was a scientist, and I haven’t been allowed to even approach a lab since I came into your care, because you wanted to punish me for something that wasn’t my fault in the first place. You have made me live through the Pit, and suddenly---suddenly--- it’s like it never happened?” He laughed again, forcefully, hysterically, crying and sobbing as he did. “Oh, Primus, I don’t know who’s more insane, you or us!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream didn’t answer immediately. He stayed silent, giving Perceptor time to calm down. It took a while. Finally, the sobs and laughter subsided totally, leaving only blessed silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________A silence that Starscream broke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Attentively, Perceptor watched and listened to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’m not a nice mech. I know that. I was, perhaps, kinder when I was younger, but life made me change into something different. I don’t regret it. What I regret is---” he paused, searching for the right words. “What I regret is the intensity of the damages,” he continued after a while. “I never wanted things to get this bad. I don’t think Megatron wanted things to get so bad. It’s like---like seeing broken dolls on a display, but you don’t realize they’re broken until you look at them closely and see the fissures. To see and hear the Prime… it was his son, and he barely flinched. Already, he’s envisioning the next one with an emotional detachment that made me think Shockwave is positively cuddly,” he tried to joke, but it fell flat. “That’s probably the biggest wake-up call a mech can feel. To see that your mates” Perceptor gave him a look that clearly meant that ‘mates’ wasn’t the best word to employ, but it was nicer than slave, so Starscream preferred it “don’t even care about the life and death of your progeny… That they are replaceable goods… It was never what I wanted. I know it’s too late now to make most mechs change their opinions and ways. But I---I want to think everything isn’t already doomed. You care probably more than the rest of them, of that I’m sure,” he said as he looked at Perceptor in the optics.  
“That’s why I want to try and make amends with you. No more… no more forced interfaces,” he choked out, and Perceptor let a gasp escape from him. “No more beatings,” he continued. “No more humiliations. I’ll let you work outside the estate if you want to. I would like to tell you I’ll change, that I’ll become a better person, but that would be a lie, because mechs like me don’t change. But they can learn from their mistakes, and not repeat them. I don’t know if I really can make amends for what happened. I don’t know if it will work. I don’t even know if it’s a good idea or even a possible one, because we’ve been going at it for so long that it’s not going to get easy right away, and probably will not for vorns and vorns. But I want to give it a try. Because, I’m thinking that, if I had noticed… If I had done something… If I had done things differently… Sunglitter might still be alive. I loved her, you know. Perhaps I never showed it enough, but I loved her. She was mine, and she was bright, smart and everything I had dreamed a child of Skyfire and mine would be like,” he said with a wistful voice that made Perceptor nibble at his lip in uneasiness. “It’s funny, the way she turned out was exactly like my dream offspring, even with you as her Carrier. Or perhaps it was a sign, one I’ve ignored because it didn’t fit in my ideal world. There’s something else you have to understand,” he added. “I never want to be parted from what I call mine and my own. I didn’t want to with Skyfire, or whatever legacy he could have left in this world. I suppose this is Primus’ punishment for my misdeeds that, eventually, there was nothing left of him to remember him by, aside from my memories… and yours. You will always carry a part of Skyfire. And you will always… always resemble him in ways I hadn’t wanted to consider before. Just for that, I should hold you more preciously than I ever did before. I can’t let you go. No Decepticon will ever let any Autobot go. It’s not… it’s not in our mentality. Once something is conquered, we keep it, no matter what. But it doesn’t mean… It doesn’t mean things always have to stay the same between us.” He cleared his vocalizer. “My point is, I want things to get better between us. But… I can’t do this all on my own. For this to work, I’ll need you. Your good will. Your impressions. Your feelings over some matters. I want to make it work… But for that, I’ll need your help.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The Seeker held out a hand for the microscope to take._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor looked at him with wide optics. “Starscream…” he said uneasily. “I…” he tried._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The Seeker looked at him intensely. “Please. Just think about it. For the future sparkling, if nothing else,” he said quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Perceptor hesitated, looking uneasy. Starscream still held his hand out, tried to keep a neutral face and not move. He didn’t want to frighten the Autobot. He really, really wanted things to work out. For the future sparkling. To never have to live through another horror like Sunglitter’s death._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Finally, the tension broke. The microscope didn’t take his hand, but he nodded slightly in acknowledgment of Starscream’s passionate statement._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I… I don’t know if I can, or… or if I’ll ever be able to, but… if you really want… really want to make it better… to make it bearable… Starting over again… it may… may not be really possible, but… I think… it might… be… worth… a try,” he told him slowly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Starscream smiled weakly in answer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It might not be what he had been aiming for, but it was a start. And a start was all he really needed to make things work… or not._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it. For now. Perhaps some day, I'll add more to the whole universe :)


End file.
